spotless

i'm watching the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind during my lunch break. this movie bugs me, i don't know why. every time i watch it, (and i don't know why i watch it so many times,) something about it bugs me. maybe it's supposed to bug me, it's been a few years since the last time i saw it.

do you ever do that? watch movies repetitively but with years in between so when you watch it again, it's surprising. and you notice things you didn't before, or maybe you just forgot you noticed them, or you feel like you've never seen it before, you pay more attention to it, or perhaps you don't pay attention to it at all. And then you don't know what's going on, and you find new favorite moments, and the twists are twists again.

i want blue hair. clarification: some days i want blue hair. somedays it doesn't even have to be blue, i just want something that's a bright, weird, different color. brighter colors. i wish i could pull of blue hair, or that i could have blue hair and not get judged for it... why do i care about being judged?

the first time i saw this movie, i associated myself with clementine. i related to her. i still relate to her, but this time, it's different. why do i feel more in touch with joel's character? i hate this movie.

the first time andy told me to watch it, i did, to be obliging. now i watch it every few years, because it's reminiscent, new, strange, annoying. it's annoying! it's such an annoying movie. it's an annoying movie that i kind of want to live in, the way it looks, the things in it. not the people, i don't care about the people, but i want that world.

sometimes you want to erase people. sometime you want to erase yourself the way you were with people. sometimes you want to forget that you were ever that way, or that they ever saw you that way. you wish you could go back and not be the person they know now, and instead just be who you were before, and keep going on from that point.

rewind, rerecord. repent, resent, release, reprehend. reprehensive, repugnant, repudiate, relearn, revel. revelation, revolution... re re re re re re

this movie is annoying, and creepy. i hate this movie. i hate that i want it and can't stand it all at the same time.

i don't know why. it's stupid. this is stupid.

i'm hungry. and broke till tomorrow.

it's my mother's birthday today, and all i can think about is myself.

annoying.