i scavenge memory
for how to forget
where it is buried
in this mute blood

slow bob of adam's
apple along a tan neck
& his pint empties into
an experienced channel

my unexpected fingertips
accompany flinch reflex
in that broad pectoral
like a tail flick on some
wet stallion's satin flank

& if i lose it in these
all our other moments
could his glint grin
keep caged reverb-
erations of low laughs
or salt sparkles
on blurred rims forever

could i never stagger
out of all my available
skin into a moonless
morning's tenacious dark

or not need a web
of neurons translated
& suddenly sarcophagi

an imitation of sky
films water which
dreams it's other

& i wander my
individual landscape
head to heel to head
in cartographs of self

trek steep trails
through old forests
of monsters aside
forgotten shores

shook hands on taut
lines as blood sails
blindfolded these seas
you set in motion

not sand but ashes
smoothed by mirror-
holding water after
sunset fire to sky

tell my legs
how to leave
a time which
may not move
backward

& they'll walk
stiff as soldiers
at a thousand
yards of post-
attack hysteria

if i unplant
these feet &
escape myself
will my bones
become charcoal
& unbearable ash

wandering
windstorms
for those hollows
of his face

when i look
back my 20s
are an endless

series of serious
discussions

with a father
or mother or both
baffled & begging
me to tell what

i wanted to
do with my life

because it was
normal to presume
desires & wants

even if mine
didn't actually exist

& as these
chats recurred
i was banned
from "i don't know"
as an answer

until all of us
were sick
of each other
in silence

since there was
no elephant
in those rooms

because
there was
only a void

perhaps
shaped as
an elephant
so it could be

just as easy
to ignore

what feverish
wounds wait
at this slippery
crossroad

how would
our scorched
hands hold
the days we
have lost

will we
write of rocks
raked by talons
until they cease
to be rocks

when earth
has hit sky
& returns
to be earth

at the feet
of shadows
that will never
again move
from their walls

my stomach
inverts in
yellow wheels
of revulsion

& i can already
see a puckered
hesitant mouth
in a white head

tremorous full
of excuses

time
needs
space

i've held this
last hour

watched day
curve into
oblivion

& blanket clouds
over evening

'til each thing
begins again
to ache to
disappear

in a distance
between he & me

which refuses
to contract or expand

his hands
occupy
& unhinge me

until i am
a door

to another
dark room
he can't quite
recall

& if he
dreams
of orchards

i'll be a tree
turned wild

in these
empty arms
of spring

but up
all night
i count his

chest in rises
& falls like

a total or
a new day
might equal

an answer

set sighs afloat
on each sleepy

exhale
don't tell

i could be
sea wind
unleashed
across his
horizons

or already
have been
& keep

spreading
too thin

my eyes hold
your hand

& hide it in
everything going
on everything

always goes on

your fingers
line my eyelid

search seconds
for other words

tremble & retreat
across an ocean
of unintent

familiar images
shuffle impatient

on a white
screen

carouseled
in endless

click rotate
click

a reassurance
of love

helps
like water's
existence

helps
parched roots
which can't

reach it

few weeks ago
a coyote

tried to drag
someone
from a playground

why does
cool stuff
always happen

to other kids?

tired of your
force majeure

of how my body
will tilt & yield
to a gravitational field

aim at isolation
without
a fixed condition

i could use
a little less

third law opposition

retreat
from a haze
from life's reach

up & out

what breaths
below?

sightlines
trace pocked
horizons

for enough
articulate pain
to put in

these poems

i wake as
a pillow

midbook

but stay
behind
eyelids

& feel him
absentmin-
dedly

tangle my
fingers in
his beard

bite down on
steel fingers
fishhooked
in my cheek

sweat scales
on a writhing
white underbelly

caught fast &
a taut line pulls
me through wave
after wave after

wave after
relentless
crashing wave

get ready
for work like

which
new hot
summer
shade
goes best
with my

endless
internal
scream

my existence
is theoretical

your relevant
hypotheses

can only be
tried between
6 pm & 9 am

in a bedroom
that is & is not

i am unable
so neatly wet it
with my tongue

how a sun sets
upon her sea

& we are
incandescent
nothings

we flame out
along crested waves'
thread-gilt
borders

until twilight tide-
turns & steers us
at darkness

at rocks in a
desolate deep

endless
amble

to echo
off each

other

we write

disappearing

letters to

distinguish

ourselves

fleeting

but fixed

like this

summer

& when they

all leave

i'll wait

for myself

but i won't

appear

i chose to be
shipwrecked
on this raft

of a ribcage
tossed with
his ebb & flow

a sea rhythm
of pitched breath
deep below

boneweary

from these
endless
attempts
to outrun

our expanding
circumference

of grief