through the fish-eyed lens

nearly, a fishhook bump and it slides away into the dark green water. the flick of your wrist too slow. pull in the empty line.


pull long, the pullapart pieces. pile them, so it half counts. so you can see the picture of what you're missing.


do something you tried. to do something.


try, like chipotle. like the smoke-tingle burn of its scent in your nose and how come everyone loves it but you? you taste weird, maybe. taste different.

different words. you lose like a slimy fish from the wrong hands into the grass. like the long cast of a clear line as it winds the slow circle around and around the wire overhead you weren't watching.  the way everyone else communicates.


feel the snap after desperate tugging.


you won't get back that lure.

blargh

Moody, lately. Malcontent. Feeling stuck in these places, situations, with no options. Taut, like the edges of me are pulling away. Do I get like this every summer? I feel like I go in these cycles of moodiness, almost every three months, and it always seems to get bad during the late spring/summer. Don't know why. Pleh.

I feel like I should figure out what's wrong with me, like there IS something wrong with me, I just don't know how to find out, and I feel ridiculous when I want to talk about it with people. And I don't want to go to a therapist, because I can't even be straightforward with a therapist... like the therapist is going to judge me... which sounds stupid. argh. I just don't know.

Too many wordless concerns, too many feelings that I can't express, that are trapped behind some means that I don't have.

Or maybe I'm just too scared to say. Because all the times I do say things, they don't seem to matter.

I don't even want to post this, it doesn't say anything.