Tuesday, September 22, 2020

The Wood-Pile
By Robert Frost

Out walking in the frozen swamp one gray day,
I paused and said, 'I will turn back from here.
No, I will go on farther—and we shall see.'
The hard snow held me, save where now and then
One foot went through. The view was all in lines
Straight up and down of tall slim trees
Too much alike to mark or name a place by
So as to say for certain I was here
Or somewhere else: I was just far from home.
A small bird flew before me. He was careful
To put a tree between us when he lighted,
And say no word to tell me who he was
Who was so foolish as to think what he thought.
He thought that I was after him for a feather—
The white one in his tail; like one who takes
Everything said as personal to himself.
One flight out sideways would have undeceived him.
And then there was a pile of wood for which
I forgot him and let his little fear
Carry him off the way I might have gone,
Without so much as wishing him good-night.
He went behind it to make his last stand.
It was a cord of maple, cut and split
And piled—and measured, four by four by eight.
And not another like it could I see.
No runner tracks in this year's snow looped near it.
And it was older sure than this year's cutting,
Or even last year's or the year's before.
The wood was gray and the bark warping off it
And the pile somewhat sunken. Clematis
Had wound strings round and round it like a bundle.
What held it though on one side was a tree
Still growing, and on one a stake and prop,
These latter about to fall. I thought that only
Someone who lived in turning to fresh tasks
Could so forget his handiwork on which
He spent himself, the labor of his ax,
And leave it there far from a useful fireplace
To warm the frozen swamp as best it could
With the slow smokeless burning of decay.



maybe the
morgue will
take walk-ins

Friday, September 18, 2020


 

woke to an earthquake
what felt like an earthquake my
racing heart shakes me

until recently
never had heartbeats so hard
my whole body shook

every three days now
if i finally do sleep
i wake this new way

i don’t remember
my dreams anymore only
levels of terror

 


Monday, September 07, 2020

 population: tire

Sunday, September 06, 2020

every morning
necessity stages this coup
overthrows me

how's that
for a little haiku
hunkered down
in these covers

hiding from
the nemesis
of a new day

Wednesday, September 02, 2020

 


“They cannot scare me with their empty spaces
Between stars - on stars where no human race is.
I have it in me so much nearer home
To scare myself with my own desert places.”

- Robert Frost
a bit
bite
back
how to
blame
someone
for saving
your life
geese honks barely there
over grey mountain morning's
tree cacophonies
where are
the empty arms
of his words
up my mountain
towards clouds
close enough
to grumble at
me maybe rain
green sweat
from these late
summer trees

turning yellow
edges curl in on
themselves
my parents’ door
is a distortion

of time & space
where i will

forever find
myself imploding

probably wrong
troubled & twelve
stay awake &
say a wall of
words to keep
me off an old
familiar edge
echo evening
& a rerun day
remind me of

when the could
haves should
have caught &
crunched me

like pockets
of leaves long
to blow away
heavy sky no sun
leaves hang hungry impatient
for its golden face
why not a bottle
of gin for breakfast is a
p slippery slope

but i am feeling
it in all of my bones &
not bones this morning
little idiot
you let
them in
ice cream
for lunch i
live at least
one child-
hood dream
who wants
to hire me
to be their
back garden
hermit i am
overqualified
pull in edges

there’s substance
in a not-hole

substance &
discovery &
tiny blue vein
weaves of truth

lines are not
always cracks
sometimes you
turn on again

& beauty was
already

before your face
night &
a slow
breeze

& a bike’s
throaty
engine

climb
in my
window

Friday, August 28, 2020

 


Wednesday, August 26, 2020

i am all of
this evening
these blue
portions of
blood from a

glass-eyed
grandpa who
poolsharked
his 20s intact

& owned half
of the only bar
in a bible town

who gave me
my first book
of tennyson that
smelled like
dutch masters

& an old sock
knotted green
full of nickels

Thursday, August 20, 2020

he dares
to set her
smoldering
& aside

as if she
might not
sweep a
mountainside

to ash in 
her rush
to get to
those stars

as though
destruction
didn't dance
on the palms
of her hands

& die on
the tip of
her tongue

Monday, August 17, 2020

brown speckle
carpet its flecks
of whites & grey
the color of

e v e r y
s p i d e r
googling random things this week
like
“synonyms for flouncing” &
“how to buy drugs off the internet”

just kidding

kinda

Monday, August 10, 2020

 l'appel du vide

Sunday, August 09, 2020

 

Saturday, August 08, 2020

Sometimes I come crashing down inside myself
without anyone noticing. I’m like an ambulance
on two legs, hauling the patient
inside me to Last Aid
with the wailing cry of a siren,
and people think it’s ordinary speech.

- from ‘You Mustn’t Show Weakness’ by Yehuda Amichai

Friday, August 07, 2020

woke crying
unsure why &
can’t seem to stop

specter inevitable
you terrors of too
much time this
revisionist nostalgia

these ways what
might have been
should have been
& i pick through

past selves like i'll make
ghosts familiar enough
for contempt & not
cry when they leave me
acceptance is fleeting
like you made your bed
& still a need to sleep again

go gaze out long windows
o tell it to the birds

about blankets burdens
this feverish just so &
sweat out any complaints
what we
have clears
several times today

foggy again instantly

reason tells you
you feel something
you say better not
& it won't make
a difference & you 

do everything not to

we call that
which remains
unnamed
here lies fate
in hours i
spend without
a book

what i need
is spoken
in whispers

a thing
distant
i struggle
to hear

has tried to
reach countless
sounds before
& i think
o so wise
of myself now

since i hear it

silly i think
it's the first time
destiny told me
anything
save who's in
your pocket

we should
figure it out
for ourselves

to be or not
to be stifled
secondly thirdly
nightly she

died a little in
deciding on him
she lived in his jar

& would he
would he would
not ever get

around to
poking 1 or 2
extra holes
i am

as close as this
line of poetry
is to your thought

beside you that
same way i am
often beside myself

listening more
than my mouth
gives you credit for

circling back
stumbled past a
periphery of words

nearly there
i don't wanna see fools
suffer gladly i wanna
see you say hey so i
was a fool just then

you made me see myself
is what you should say

let it create a challenge

you might excel
beyond comprehension

i see it now through
your spit scowl:
blistered humanity
i see it now, so i win
remember that day
i was held out like
a boa on zoo day to
a kid in khaki shorts

both fantastic with
terror & you wanted
to see what i'd do
if you touched me

that day i slid myself
around your vital
little charms thru a
pain of sustain as we

goodbye & i slowly
uncoil you left wishing
to wear me out in
the world & i living

for this memory
of a wrap around you
i drown myself in
this sea of kicked-off sheets &
too many pillows
negative space &
vacuum juxtapositions
this bed is a void
these serrated edges
back-stumble steps
of tragedy dynamics

ratios change daily

& i hanged hope on
a proximate graduation
to half-hearted again
this awkward
lack of purpose

Tuesday, August 04, 2020

another night still
awake after 4 am

& now another hour’s
debate re re reattempt
then 2 more for fitful
halfsleep trauma dreams

or i guess nightmares
of all my little half-lived
lives & all these little
half-assed tries & who

who can even identify
what exists anymore

Friday, July 24, 2020

Monday, July 20, 2020

from bed
to couch
couch
to bed to
sleepwalk
sleep making
my own bed
lying in it
this ache
exhaustion

attempts
to annotate

a life waited
& unlived

Wednesday, July 15, 2020

Saturday, June 27, 2020

Monday, June 22, 2020

where time
& solitude
are lidless
void & i
a stilldepth
reflecting

Sunday, June 21, 2020

Tuesday, March 17, 2020

quarantunes

a playlist for these troubled times...

alone but not alone - great lake swimmers
killing time - the kite string tangle, eliott
hold your nerve - boy & bear
nowhere to go - hayden james, naations
safe to stay - towns
beliefs and prayers - middle kids
come on doom, let's party - emily wells
withstand - the murlocs
one less day (dying young) - rob thomas
strange days (1999) - health
an uncommon experience - buchanan
m.r.i. - xylo aria
can't drive - l d r u, mammals
we all die young - the decemberists
the perfect life does not exist - ball park music
freakin' out - safia
does this last - boo seeka
cool out - matthew e. white, natalie prass
blue monday - health
whiteout conditions - the new pornographers
does your city sleep like mine - jim lawrie
so tied up - cold war kids, bishop briggs
life goes on - e^st
line of fire - junip
so soldier - #1 dads, ainslie wills
long highway - the jezabels
three packs a day - courtney barnett (it's a song about ramen)
strange diseases - gang of youths
keep me alive - all we are
nothing touches me - british india
stand in line - banff
stages of fear - crepes
weight of the world - birds of tokyo
2020 - suuns
pripyat, pt. 2 - seth sentry
soon we won't exist - tiny little houses
when the world ends - ayla
collapse - vancouver sleep clinic
pulse check - day ravies
darwinism - holy holy
waiting room - fugazi
losing all sense - grizzly bear
crowded rooms - the end of the world
the times they are a-changin' - bob dylan
dancing on the edge of our graves - born ruffians
suddenly everything has changed - the flaming lips
running out of you - keep shelly in athens
buried plans - minor alps
apartment story - the national
before it gets better - earlimart
cages - emma louise
ceiling tiles - kaitlyn ni donovan
comfort me - sparklehorse
conversation 16 - the national
from a window - the clientele
get miles - gomez
get off of my cloud - the rolling stones
girlfriend in a coma - the smiths
he ain't heavy he's my brother - the hollies
hold the line - toto
how to see through fog - the drones
if this is a plan - the delgados
just stand back - low
living proof - infantree
marooned - pink floyd
my will is good - port o'brien
never die young - james taylor
reasonably fine - the cat empire
self preservation - am
soundtrack to the end - communist daughter
stop breaking down - the rolling stones
stormy weather - pixies
the sun always shines on tv - a-ha
the touch - stan bush
vice city rolling - dan kelly & the alpha males (it's about staying inside & playing video games)
wave of mutilation - pixies
what's the frequency, kenneth? - rem
when the levee breaks - led zeppelin
white rabbit - jefferson airplane
shelter from the storm - bob dylan
barely breathing - duncan sheik
better days - citizen king
burning down the house - talking heads
closing time - semisonic
(don't fear) the reaper - blue oyster cult
dr. feelgood - motley crue
every breath you take - the police
get up offa that thing - james brown
harder to breathe - maroon 5
(i just) died in your arms - cutting crew
i'm shakin' - rooney
i think i'm paranoid - garbage
it's the end of the world as we know it - rem
i wanna be sedated - ramones
i will survive - gloria gaynor

Wednesday, January 29, 2020

cancer
showed me
it's okay to

be angry

& feel angry
& give myself
time with anger

to work through it
or sit with it
or roll around in it pouting

until whatever next emotion
comes to meet me

on my feet

Tuesday, January 28, 2020

this ersatz calm

of an eve ended
too early to elide
my endeavors &
some easy sleep

so tits up it's time
to tangle with that
dread expanse of
demons between

this screen & my
dark ceiling or more

twixt today's untaxed
untested brain & a good
night's sleep again

Friday, January 24, 2020

assumption a
hebetate habit

& i wedge my words
in a wheech to fill
half-full mouths

too glaikit gibbous
to wager such waits
of my impatience

Thursday, January 23, 2020

o new slew of snow
most unbeckoning blanket
thin, mean, & cold-toed
stoss side of sunrise
calculating snooze taps from
blankets disinterred
am i any-
thing other
than hands

which hold them
up to them
to chase them

-self across a
plain plot of page
on little letter feet

Monday, January 13, 2020

we are mostly
maneuvers

& these castoff
portions of your
cropped photos

a performance
in perifery
perhaps

only moments
scrawled
on margins

these imperfect
pieces left
after leaving

Sunday, January 05, 2020

anemic as iron
exits a soul

bloodlag in
bloodloss
across
a body

bereft
of anything left
which won't
leave me
fatigued

how to summon
some courage
to can't-move
move on

it goes
the ghost
in me pales

to a white
as this skin
i am stuck in
& the bones
of these hours
slowmove creak
ship-hull timbers
on seas unsteady

as she goes she
goes jutty that cut
of her jib one white
flag settled in fog
grey blankets

so unnoticed propel
forward on a sum
of surrenders

& part ways with
walls of saltwater
at either side
hours left as last stones
placed in this long wall of days
distance year from year

another decade
shipped in so many
calendar boxes
a lost lot of lee hours
spent in/somniac sprawl
staring up at the ground
oh this imperative
season of again
never again & again
a bedsheet bridged an
intricate extrication
& two kinds of cold
heavy limb tangles
& his unburdened breath on
my trembling neck nape
bed wounds a body
proportionate to its years
lets go less & less
soft side of morning
sleep sits on my eyelid swirls
fingertip ethers
built brittle in bone-
spoken whispers of marrow
to some calcium
seventeen degrees
but these kicked blankets mean it's
still not cold enough
"Light breaks where no sun shines;
Where no sea runs, the waters of the heart
Push in their tides;
And, broken ghosts with glow-worms in their heads,
The things of light
File through the flesh where no flesh decks the bones."
- Dylan Thomas
out of cash
i rarely carry
but bought extra

burgers at lunch
& drove around
searching for

someones
who looked
like they could
eat & make better

use of those
blankets in
the backseat
of my car
drawn thewy
in cut contours
from such strength
as requisite for a
load of letting go