i'm gonna end up with lung cancer too. and dr. randall just didn't want to tell me until i'd gotten through the arm stuff.
i just feel like i've kind of been babied with how much the doctor's telling me
first it was replacing my bone.
then it was oh, we replaced your bone and took out some muscle
then it was oh, we replaced your bone, took out some muscle and then put new muscle in.
like, they replaced a whole part of the muscles on the back of my shoulder, which is why i can't rotate my arm out more than an inch.
they had me do all these new rotation exercises at PT yesterday, and I couldn't do any of them, and I just started sobbing.
so i spent all last night googling and reading and trying to find out what other cases like mine there have been
and there's just nothing there that says it won't recur if it's spread to the lungs or the soft tissue, which it did.
i'm ready to bet my life that the nodules in my lungs are cancer too.
guess what the life expectancy is for someone with osteosarcoma that's metastasized to the lungs?
five years.
five fucking years.
and i've done fuck all with my life.
blaaaahhh.
sorry.
done unloading. just a bad week.
and there's just nothing there that says it won't recur if it's spread to the lungs or the soft tissue, which it did.
i'm ready to bet my life that the nodules in my lungs are cancer too.
guess what the life expectancy is for someone with osteosarcoma that's metastasized to the lungs?
five years.
five fucking years.
and i've done fuck all with my life.
blaaaahhh.
sorry.
done unloading. just a bad week.
aw, fuckdamnit... fuck fucking damnit fuck
ReplyDeleteand here i am, having a leisurely time back in nelson, seeing old friends, enjoying life, not a care in the world - well not too many, now that i've gotten a lot of good sobriety under my belt - and yet, there's all kinds of shit still going down, things are a little more serious for some of us
i didn't want to hear that thing about the lungs - i'm sure you wanted to hear it even less - and that also sucks about not being given the relevant information immediately - i'd be pissed off about that too - you wouldn't think you'd have to tell them these things - to be straight with you - it just doesn't seem right to me, not to be - especially with someone with as much obvious sentience and intelligence and consciousness as you have
well, a friend was telling me today that she never gets sick, she yells - literally - at her immune system to kill those cocksucking germs as quick as they can! it seems to work for her - i know, cancer is a different thing, but i think it's true that the mind can be a powerful tool along with the more mechanical methods that are used by modern medicine - which can also be very effective - i know i'm talking out of school on this, but i have huge hopes for you, and faith, that you have what it takes, to pull through - also, i love your new resolve, and your list of ways to be - it's great - and please do check in with me any time you feel the inclination - i'll be checking in with you, cause you're too important to be falling by the wayside - you're in the vip lounge