It is 20 degrees here today, and I am freeeezing. At least I don't work outside. It could be worse. I could be the UPS guy. I feel bad for him when the weather is sucky.
Reconnecting with old friends this week, it has been far too long, and I forgot how much I loved these people. It's nice to be back in communicado, to find out what they've been up to the last few years. I feel like such a different person since the last time I spoke to them, so much has changed, but plenty enough has stayed the same, I suppose.
I definitely listen to better music now. And I'm far more comfortable in my own skin than I was at 19 and 20. I may not have a degree or a husband or a house or kids, but that self...acceptance is a big change and is worth more to me right now than any of those things.
It's so fascinating to me, the circumstances and cycles that life and experience move in. How, in some strange providential or cosmic ruling of chance you can feel completely alone and cutoff and life hands you or pulls you to the things you need in a desperate moment to keep your head above water... you get nudged just over the top of the hill when you didn't think you'd ever see past that obstacle right in front of you.
Still, I wish there had been more adventure, more assertion and boldness and daring, in all the meantime. I wish I had better things to show for all that's elapsed than just... me. Oh, I am still as flawed and stubborn and hopeless as ever, but today is tinted in optimism and there is a smile on my face.
I have accepted myself, that was a good lesson to learn. Now I just need to accept that I have control.
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