vacant

i promised that i would write for an hour every day (at least) for one of my resolutions for 2011. and i have been, i just haven't done it on here the last day or two, i've been doing it in my notebook, right before i fall asleep. when you spend your whole work day either packing boxes or in front of the computer, sometimes the last place you want to be when you get home is in front of the computer or on your feet.

i have felt so empty this week! my body is telling me it's march, which is usually the time of year when i hit my biggest rut, but it seems that march has come three months early, and i am compressed and hollow and exhausted. i feel shrunken into myself, like there's too much space to rattle around inside these arms and legs and whatnot. withdrawn and withdrawallllling. i ache all the time and i don't know why, there are a few physical reasons, my job, some minor health issues, etc, but i've dealt with those for years, and i've never felt so run ragged and rubbed raw as i do lately.  i am frayed along all my edges.

frayed, 'fraid, and unraveling.

i can't write any longer than this for now. i slip into dangerous places so easily these days. i am doing my best to skirt those edges. well, sometimes i try to.

right now, i'm trying. hopefully i will do the same tomorrow.