shuffa shuffa shuffellatio

if you dare, look up and see what's there
level your eyes with some surprise
at the truths realized
now you care and you will climb for air
with some relief you've found your peace
are you taking us there?
some cold comfort is waiting somewhere
stand out now we can see we've been found out
how can this be we've been hoping and praying
there's one life worth saving
cold out happy to be here without doubt
too much to see here it's not too late
trust in us, if you can trust in us
follow the lead for hearts that bleed
we're a difficult breed
once you've found no longer gagged and bound
whisper to me i think i'm free
and the world will turn round
in between us there are colours
but they're hidden from view
in between us there is silence
but it's breaking for you
some cold comfort will tell us what's true
hold out my own reflection
i've found out less than perfection
i'm hoping and praying
there's one life worth saving
cold out happy to be here without doubt
too much to see here
i'm hoping and praying there's one life worth saving
it's not too late
never look at the sun - the delgados




i don't worry anymore
nothing like i did before
i don't worry, i just watch them rolling back
i don't worry anymore
cause it's alright, alright to see a ghost
and i wanna see 'em go down in the river where they go
and i wanna see 'em rolling, rolling back
and i wanna see 'em go
cause it's alright, alright to see your ghost
i'm gonna run to the river
kiss my hand and wait
gonna run to the river
gonna throw a blue bouquet
cause they're gonna be cool happy genius heroes
i'm gonna miss 'em so much
i will settle in and dream
of a slow and funny scene
i will settle in and watch 'em rolling back
i will settle in and dream
santa clara - the national



sweet memory
talking 'bout a sweet memory
it goes round and round in my head
pretty soon i'll want the real thing instead
but for now i got this sweet memory
sunny day, sunny day
not a cloud crosses the sky
not a tear comes to my eye
on this sunny day
sweet memory
sweet memory - as sung by melody gardot




a heart is so easy to keep
when i think of the curious look in yours eyes and impossible
oh, only you could really know
i'll never let a little secret go
all of the times you were near i forgot to say
i'm an unbeliever, but i'll pray to you every day
if it would make your eyes forever stay that way
if it would make you want to stay with me
all the times you've been far away, wondering
i've been uncovering words i've been waiting to say to you
oh, only you could really know
i'll never let a little secret go
a secret - basia bulat




give you my lovin' seven days a week
i'll be your honey if you'll be sweet
i know that i'm the only one for you
i know that you think this is not true
man says it's rainin', rainin' outside
i'll be out there in a little while
cause you see, rain reminds me of you
and everything has turned to you
see you in places, i'm followin' you
you'll be upstairs, and i'll be there too
everywhere you go i will follow
i know it won't be the same tomorrow
people give me warnings, stay away from you
they say you'll hurt me, i don't think that's true
discomfort arouses when i speak of you
as if you been sayin' something bad about me
when i see you i wanna kiss you
but i know that ain't right so i'd ask if i can hold you
oh babe, i need you so bad
oh babe, i only wanna make you glad
give me your lovin - mazzy star

You said it was night inside my heart. It was. You said it should tear a kid apart. It does. I didn't want to be your ghost. I didn't want to be anyone's ghost.

worrisome heart - melody gardot

I need a hand with my worrisome heart
I need a hand with my worrisome heart
I would be lucky to find me a man
Who could love me the way that I am
With this here worrisome heart

I need a break from my troubling ways
I need a break from my troubling ways
I would be lucky to find me a man
Who could love me the way that I am
With all my troubling ways

I need a man who got no baggage to claim
I need a man who got no baggage to claim
I would be lucky to find me a man
Who could love me the way that I am

A worrisome troubling baggage free modern day dame,
a worrisome troubling baggage free modern day dame
Ain't no body the same

peaks and troughs

some days. some weeks, some months. i just can't write. can't think of anything to write, or have too much to write about and am deciding to bottle it up. or i do write it and i go, wow, i can't admit this is me. i can't post this. an 8 year-old can't post this. so i don't.

but damn, it's slow this morning, and i had such a bad night last night. i should have just gotten on here and typed it all out, but i didn't. i fell asleep with my little ipod & speakers playing on one of the pillows next to me, and when i woke up, that camera obscura song was playing (the one below) and then it just made me feel kind of crummy, especially pertaining to some of the discussions that i had with people yesterday.

i dunno how or why i do it, really. i don't understand what it is. perhaps it's just because i feel less restrained around here, or in writing, or online or whatever, than i do in person here in stupid utah, where restraint is the order of the day. everyone's bottled up. everyone's only doing whatever they do so that everyone else can see that they're being good people, good mormons.

so i have a bottle. and sometimes i use it. i have to around here, around people who can't take or handle or not condemn the unrestrained, passionate me. and i wind up feeling so goddamn solitary, single, singled-out, lonely to the point of pain... and at the same time, i can reach my arms around the globe and gather in hordes of people who respond to me, who prefer me in a tall glass, and not a bottle. who want to take me off the shelf and let me do my thing.

fuck, i'm so tired of the far, far away.

gotta get me some getupandgo.

other towns and cities

drinkin' whiskey reminds me of you
you're the first in ages to have gotten through
i know you mean well,
yes i know that you do
but sooner or later you're gonna break me in two

were my pupils dilated, could you tell that i liked you?
we were so unlikely
you flirt with an ex, put me to the test
oh and still i wanna tell you that i love you the best

we turned the radiators on and there was no way back
did you know you had the plough star trail on your back?
your voice is quiet but i need it loud
in the night you went up
and in the morning you went down

it's like you to forbid me to say goodnight
i had your brown eyes and limbs
on me through the night
these words are weak and to your dislike
but you'll never believe them so i guess it's alright

do you like the view i show you?
oh i say look at the light
do you still miss the way that i hold you?
mmm... in other towns and cities
who's holding you tonight?

the dresses came out of the bag, then the tears came
and drinking's never been the same again
i shared your troubles
i shared your weight
i lost it with you today

oh we don't share a birthday but we do share a sign
and we shared something or was it in my mind?
there was talk of love
and how i need it back
i'd be better for you than that last love of mine

do you like the view i show you?
i say look at the light
do you still miss the way that i hold you?
oh, in other towns and cities
who's holding you tonight?

you're in another town and city
you mean nothing to me tonight








-by camera obscura