i chose to be
shipwrecked
on this raft

of a ribcage
tossed with
his ebb & flow

a sea rhythm
of pitched breath
deep below

boneweary

from these
endless
attempts
to outrun

our expanding
circumference

of grief

when our weak
brains give out on us

ships of endurance
encased in ice

or beached whales
better than shallow
water needing
death in sunlight

foreign beasts so
soon carried in
pieces back to sea

what new feral
cries will ride
these clouds

above black
stones too blunt
but left close
at hand

will our structures
so planted
shrink or else

implode

slow-churned by eons
of invisible abyss

bones bleached
in blind silence

i've lost
three people
in six days

& all i can feel
is a void
rushing back
at me

after all
this effort
i made

to get away

pieces of april

tied to you

these tiny
lines
are my

untethering


i only want
every
silent song

you don't sing

wild-eyed
when it's dark

dark words
rumble
at my ear


until there
is just this
vast rush

& a tingle
on my hip's
teetered edge


how to

let you go
& stay gone

instead
of your bounced
back hide

an existence
in my horizons

as shadow
facades
& mirages


tired
of what's
not true


he tiptoes
this wave-
length, traces

a slow drawn
fingertip along
my mind's-eye
lashes

& looks
for a tear
in his name


i want
what words
you just
deleted

despair
a last surety
empty breath-
less clinging


tempest-tossed
in unchained
changes

convinced
he enjoys

his ephemeral
presence

haunting me
in periphery


heartground

begins to
crack & tremble

where he
laid long
buried

& mostly
left alone


twilight time to

sit still
distill

in this ink

on these pages


passing fair
at derivation

his stares
drill into
a cold shoulder

she wants
his standing
ovation

she just
wants a him
who will
hold her


stick
fingers slip
deep into

this shaky cage
of my ribs

'til i play him
a slow fistful
of cardiovascular
conun-

drumming

& he
kneads to find
a whole
he left

behind



with petals please
your trees, bud

no longer
barebranched
& empty reaches

spring greens things
little wings

a window unhinges
a small voice

sings


why do i
only recognize
i'm not alive

in my
"best life"

when my
alarm rips
each day
open

& every pore
screams in

refusal?


a morning
feral animal
maybe but
not a person


by eleven i'll
domesticate
into a routine
forgetfulness
& succumb


anyway
i'm up & off
to a new day's

series

of little deaths

another
workday

present

but not
here


late but
not
late enough


ate a
burger
with a
knife

& fork
& side

of how
in hell
did i

get here


a day
to try again

winter seemed
to agree
with me

snuck snow
& a subtracted score
of degrees
through trees

bountifully
blooming

i trudged
in green slush
to a drowsy door

past piles
of twisted tulips



a woman
of many
words

most
of which
are never

heard



i keep a
little sorry

tucked

behind
my tongue

for feeling
not quite
right to you

for songs
you want

unsung



a short reach
slapped away

guess i
friended wrong

again today



when rest

wraps memory
tight enough
to constrict me

inhale efforts
with no room

in my chest


ghosts of him

burn behind
eyes escape in
swim & tears

arms ache down

to fingertips
to unwrap

remember

unravel
undo


specters
fringe this
consciousness


can't sleep with
that inkrun itch
in these fingers


nots i can't
put into words
because i never

laid them out
anywhere but

my head &
my hesitation




wild waste
of words
works a wound way
within whitenoise

whispering
without want
wonder

or worth


bored
with all my
unreward-
ed efforts
y'see




need
to leave
little notes
of never again


been a silent
sullen
audience

as he physically
disappears

to be all
she wants him
to be

when will his
doing
be death enough

for them to part?



i prefer an
inconsideration

tell me
what you feel
instead of
what you think

send it off
on wings
a note to open

uncurl
an anecdote to ease
each time i try

to smile
in a mirror



how to
draw you
through

colors
of window-
pains




caught fire
from constant
friction

from moving
in all my
same spaces


what if
every war
was already
won?

would
we watch
from this
far 'til

the last
of our
malice
was gone?


too busy
killing ideas

before they turn
into things we

can no longer
control


stop
believing
it's a favour

to stay
to not

tell them
how you
truly feel



no one
even knows
i'm here


blind
& clung

to how he
reached at me

in the dark


forgave him
for being himself not
for what he did



made of empty
like a sponge


buried beneath
soundwaves & sleep

drowned by these
drums in the deep



against an
accompanied
lack of his

deep reach
breaths beside
me i mouth

long notes
of loss from
loose lips in
wet dark


i'll slip out
of these covers
& pull back on
a me who
doesn't need you




maybe
this will not
be read

maybe
we only have
finite words

maybe
i'd still choose
ink scrawls

on shrinking space
on last pages

maybe
it was never
a choice


in parenthesis

i exist
betwixt

vagary & vaguery



those times
i was certain
of my answer

i now wish
i hadn't spoke

these words
have ways
to say
nothing i know




silence
talks
to me



he left me standing
guard over nothing


stone sorrows
meant for steps
& not for walls



shake my head
disgraced
his heavy hands
still go to waste


tell me again that myth
of a conscious life


forever whirlpooled
by other people's eddies


a more
fertile
boredom


carcass-dragged
from my pillownest
& just gonna wing
it today anyway




heard you like

bad girls
& i
am bad

at everything




a book full
of the image
of empty pages



now music
& someone
else's words
for a while



ashamed
of my surprise
at your son

at an image
of your greed
of a greed

we're all
imagined from

you are actually
a feud forgotten
a being lost

in my being

each evening
i'll take a turn
with the sun

exhausted
by carelessness
am i only

tenebrous trash
grappling
night's infinities

& pinned
by transparent
silence



when
possibility
was

hope

& not
regret



images
untainted
by under-
standing



to stay wild
in the mind
of everyone
i leave behind




make
impossible
want you back




because
i couldn't
give you

everything

& stay
myself




you be
a train

& i'll be

tied to
these

tracks



empty
to that point

where you
start
making room

for monsters




he said
it doesn't last

forever

just like
everything
else



warmth
in wind

finally across
this face
& tangling my
hair all wild

time to look
a bolder
daylight

in the eye


i watch a moon cast
thin lightlines thru dark's eddies
to feet sunk in bed



anxious
insomnia
over all
my former
selves



wouldn’t know
what to do
with that tiger

if i caught it

besides let it
eat me because
i'm always letting
tigers eat me

because i come
too often

to a crave
of any sensation
so i settle

for a visceral mess
for teeth & claws
mangling me

into blood red gullets




keep a corner piece
of poetry
in the back of your
fridge for me



perhaps
perfect
is a little
pink floyd
curled in this
pillownest
covered by
breaths
of spring
rain



his teeth
at my ear
sound like
morning
sun




if i die
my day job
did it



an early spring river's
pretty jumpinable

but to drown
would be too slow

a death for this
day i'm having




sunk in bed
in a navy
bedroom

leave me
shipwrecked

beneath this sea
of seconds
my day was



once
we were
ships

full of fish
we'd return
to the sea

always
waiting

each in our
own place
eyes open

& blind

my flesh
remembers you

remembers blue
bright monsters

limbs reach
beneath
sunlit surfaces

& water
in old wounds
turns to salt

we uncharted
an island

& inside it
oceans
died

grey
clouds
runaway

& forget in
horizons

forever


superfluous
efforts at
identity

can i draw
a man shaped
like a man?

test his oars
eager upon
a sea with
no shores

to pass through
you take
& leave

with other names



divergent
roads appear
& disappear

so we write

to keep them
carefully
together

to hide
what might

move us



half-bared fangs
reverberate
chest deep
laughter from
darkness

rage reaches
wiry fingers
toward calm

to share sleep
& these sheets

with a shattered
signal in
tremulous strokes



i watch cold
black water

trudge
up my walk
the size
of a man

here to drown
the moon in me
that keeps him

tied & tidepulling