tied to you
these tiny
lines
are my
untethering
i only want
every
silent song
you don't sing
wild-eyed
when it's dark
dark words
rumble
at my ear
until there
is just this
vast rush
& a tingle
on my hip's
teetered edge
how to
let you go
& stay gone
instead
of your bounced
back hide
an existence
in my horizons
as shadow
facades
& mirages
tired
of what's
not true
he tiptoes
this wave-
length, traces
a slow drawn
fingertip along
my mind's-eye
lashes
& looks
for a tear
in his name
i want
what words
you just
deleted
despair
a last surety
empty breath-
less clinging
tempest-tossed
in unchained
changes
convinced
he enjoys
his ephemeral
presence
haunting me
in periphery
heartground
begins to
crack & tremble
where he
laid long
buried
& mostly
left alone
twilight time to
sit still
distill
in this ink
on these pages
passing fair
at derivation
his stares
drill into
a cold shoulder
she wants
his standing
ovation
she just
wants a him
who will
hold her
stick
fingers slip
deep into
this shaky cage
of my ribs
'til i play him
a slow fistful
of cardiovascular
conun-
drumming
& he
kneads to find
a whole
he left
behind
with petals please
your trees, bud
no longer
barebranched
& empty reaches
spring greens things
little wings
a window unhinges
a small voice
sings
why do i
only recognize
i'm not alive
in my
"best life"
when my
alarm rips
each day
open
& every pore
screams in
refusal?
a morning
feral animal
maybe but
not a person
by eleven i'll
domesticate
into a routine
forgetfulness
& succumb
anyway
i'm up & off
to a new day's
series
of little deaths
another
workday
present
but not
here
late but
not
late enough
ate a
burger
with a
knife
& fork
& side
of how
in hell
did i
get here
a day
to try again
winter seemed
to agree
with me
snuck snow
& a subtracted score
of degrees
through trees
bountifully
blooming
i trudged
in green slush
to a drowsy door
past piles
of twisted tulips
a woman
of many
words
most
of which
are never
heard
i keep a
little sorry
tucked
behind
my tongue
for feeling
not quite
right to you
for songs
you want
unsung
a short reach
slapped away
guess i
friended wrong
again today
when rest
wraps memory
tight enough
to constrict me
inhale efforts
with no room
in my chest
ghosts of him
burn behind
eyes escape in
swim & tears
arms ache down
to fingertips
to unwrap
remember
unravel
undo
specters
fringe this
consciousness
can't sleep with
that inkrun itch
in these fingers
nots i can't
put into words
because i never
laid them out
anywhere but
my head &
my hesitation
wild waste
of words
works a wound way
within whitenoise
whispering
without want
wonder
or worth
bored
with all my
unreward-
ed efforts
y'see
need
to leave
little notes
of never again
been a silent
sullen
audience
as he physically
disappears
to be all
she wants him
to be
when will his
doing
be death enough
for them to part?
i prefer an
inconsideration
tell me
what you feel
instead of
what you think
send it off
on wings
a note to open
uncurl
an anecdote to ease
each time i try
to smile
in a mirror
how to
draw you
through
colors
of window-
pains
caught fire
from constant
friction
from moving
in all my
same spaces
what if
every war
was already
won?
would
we watch
from this
far 'til
the last
of our
malice
was gone?
too busy
killing ideas
before they turn
into things we
can no longer
control
stop
believing
it's a favour
to stay
to not
tell them
how you
truly feel
no one
even knows
i'm here
blind
& clung
to how he
reached at me
in the dark
forgave him
for being himself not
for what he did
made of empty
like a sponge
buried beneath
soundwaves & sleep
drowned by these
drums in the deep
against an
accompanied
lack of his
deep reach
breaths beside
me i mouth
long notes
of loss from
loose lips in
wet dark
i'll slip out
of these covers
& pull back on
a me who
doesn't need you
maybe
this will not
be read
maybe
we only have
finite words
maybe
i'd still choose
ink scrawls
on shrinking space
on last pages
maybe
it was never
a choice
in parenthesis
i exist
betwixt
vagary & vaguery
those times
i was certain
of my answer
i now wish
i hadn't spoke
these words
have ways
to say
nothing i know
silence
talks
to me
he left me standing
guard over nothing
stone sorrows
meant for steps
& not for walls
shake my head
disgraced
his heavy hands
still go to waste
tell me again that myth
of a conscious life
forever whirlpooled
by other people's eddies
a more
fertile
boredom
carcass-dragged
from my pillownest
& just gonna wing
it today anyway
heard you like
bad girls
& i
am bad
at everything
a book full
of the image
of empty pages
now music
& someone
else's words
for a while
ashamed
of my surprise
at your son
at an image
of your greed
of a greed
we're all
imagined from
you are actually
a feud forgotten
a being lost
in my being
each evening
i'll take a turn
with the sun
exhausted
by carelessness
am i only
tenebrous trash
grappling
night's infinities
& pinned
by transparent
silence
when
possibility
was
hope
& not
regret
images
untainted
by under-
standing
to stay wild
in the mind
of everyone
i leave behind
make
impossible
want you back
because
i couldn't
give you
everything
& stay
myself
you be
a train
& i'll be
tied to
these
tracks
empty
to that point
where you
start
making room
for monsters
he said
it doesn't last
forever
just like
everything
else
warmth
in wind
finally across
this face
& tangling my
hair all wild
time to look
a bolder
daylight
in the eye
i watch a moon cast
thin lightlines thru dark's eddies
to feet sunk in bed
anxious
insomnia
over all
my former
selves
wouldn’t know
what to do
with that tiger
if i caught it
besides let it
eat me because
i'm always letting
tigers eat me
because i come
too often
to a crave
of any sensation
so i settle
for a visceral mess
for teeth & claws
mangling me
into blood red gullets
keep a corner piece
of poetry
in the back of your
fridge for me
perhaps
perfect
is a little
pink floyd
curled in this
pillownest
covered by
breaths
of spring
rain
his teeth
at my ear
sound like
morning
sun
if i die
my day job
did it
an early spring river's
pretty jumpinable
but to drown
would be too slow
a death for this
day i'm having
sunk in bed
in a navy
bedroom
leave me
shipwrecked
beneath this sea
of seconds
my day was
once
we were
ships
full of fish
we'd return
to the sea
always
waiting
each in our
own place
eyes open
& blind
my flesh
remembers you
remembers blue
bright monsters
limbs reach
beneath
sunlit surfaces
& water
in old wounds
turns to salt
we uncharted
an island
& inside it
oceans
died
grey
clouds
runaway
& forget in
horizons
forever
superfluous
efforts at
identity
can i draw
a man shaped
like a man?
test his oars
eager upon
a sea with
no shores
to pass through
you take
& leave
with other names
divergent
roads appear
& disappear
so we write
to keep them
carefully
together
to hide
what might
move us
half-bared fangs
reverberate
chest deep
laughter from
darkness
rage reaches
wiry fingers
toward calm
to share sleep
& these sheets
with a shattered
signal in
tremulous strokes
i watch cold
black water
trudge
up my walk
the size
of a man
here to drown
the moon in me
that keeps him
tied & tidepulling
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