i got

fifteen
hundred
bucks

and
all
i
want
to
do

is
sell
the
rest
of
my
shit

and
start
walking

anywhere

improv, 1am

the wind is nudging my blinds
through the screen;
reaching its long arms through the room
to my door,
to nudge it, too.

metallic taps against drywall;
small thump of doorframe;
tap right,
thump left.

the wind wraps around
my shoulders.
i shiver
i savor september
every year, the small crisp
edges it puts on things,
enough to erase summer's
long, dry bake.

it is the a la mode
month of junejulyaugust
cherry pie.
smooth sweet after
too-warm tang.

but this september
is not the old friend
i know so well.
the caress of the wind
so much more hollow
ghost-like. or i

am more hollow,
ghost-like. i am
empty glass bottle

as september whips over me
echoing a deep moan
from all my sides,
far more animal
a sound
than i have been able
to make in all
the heavy heat of
august.

every night, the wind
kicks up and i
howl my low cry
to a moonface waxing full,
tugging the inner
tide of me out of
myself and leaving
this empty
glass feeling.

i wait for october
when the wind will grab strong,
bite me, reassure me
with presence and movement.
when the moon will wane
and my fullness will return.

when i will write,
and be,
and be glad.

about time

so some of you may or may not be aware that i was laid off from my job of two years at the beginning of august. it was quite a frustrating thing. also, i have been sick all this week with a combination of tonsillitis and laryngitis and have been trying to sleep it off and drown it because i no longer have health insurance.

right now i am sitting at my computer eating some ice cream because it's the only thing i can swallow tolerably. i sound like a throat cancer victim.

i know i complained about my job a lot. well, not my job, per se, but the people i worked with. but after being unemployed for nigh over a month now, i can tell you this: i would much rather have a job that i hate than no job at all.

i have been super discouraged. like, probably more discouraged than i ever have been at any other point in my life previously. and a while ago, i decided i was going to stop posting such depressing whiny blog posts here because nobody wants to come read about how sad and miserable i am - which is why i haven't been posting too much.

despite how familiar i am with the feeling of discouragement, i don't handle it very well. not well at all.

i guess i just figured i should write something to say i am still around. even if the definitions of "around" and even "i" are shaky and hollow lately.

that's all.

when life hands you lemons... forget them and find something to laugh at!

song of the day

who's got the crack - the moldy peaches