written

weighted:
the words of a
wiry poet,

wild the wit
in his eye.

wanton the will
of each wish
as he sows it;

weary,
the wisp
of his sigh.

the mawnin' music shuffle is my tarot reading for the day

after it all when it's said and done
will you come back to me and tell me that
it was never up to you or up to me
- after it all, cat power

you pretend that it's alright
to wait up half the night
and he cant be bothered to phone
you spend another night alone
i'm not trying to make you mad
or act like your dad
it's time that you were told
your boyfriend's an asshole
- yr boyfriend, casiotone for the painfully alone

hard to hold, cold to touch
fall to pieces, treat the rush
in hindsight, with prime time talk.
all your pain will end here.
let the doctor soothe your brain, dear.
- doctor blind, emily haines and the soft skeleton

we salute at the threshold of the north sea in my mind
and a nod to the boredom that drove me here to face the tide and swim.
i swim. oh, swim.
dip a toe in the ocean. oh how it hardens and it numbs.
the rest of me is a version of man, built to collapse into crumbs.
and if i hadn't come down to the coast to disappear
i may have died in a land-slide of the rocks, the hopes, and fears.
so swim until you can't see land
swim until you can't see land
are you a man or are you a bag of sand?
- swim until you can't see land, frightened rabbit

half of you can only speak
the other half will come as you sleep
when you were the only one
in the arms
of someone you would lose
it'll be a while for now
there's so much left to choose
- transport, yuji oniki


she said it's lonely here tonight
she's always sad when she's alone
she said i need you here tonight
she couldn't wait till i get home
she loves me and that's all i need to know
she's part of my life, just a part i won't let go
then she said
love me tomorrow. won't you please promise me?
- love me tomorrow, chicago


and one with indecipherable lyrics, or one that you can hear what you want to hear when you listen to it, that i love: "anne elephant" by someone still loves you boris yeltsin

i like ms paint

edumacayshun

The 100 Best Books For An Education 

(according to Will Durant, taken from "The Greatest Minds and Ideas of All Time")

Outline of Science by J. Arthur Thompson

The Human Body by Logan Clendening

The New Dietetics by John H. Kellogg

The Principles of Psychology by William James

The Outline of History by H.G. Wells

Folkways by William Sumner

The Golden Bough by Sir John Frazer

The Human Adventure by Breasted and Robinson

The Wisdom of the Chinese by Brian Brown

The Bible - both The King James version and the 1749 Challoner edition of the Douay-Rheims bible

History of Art by Elie Faure

A History of Science by Henry Williams

History of Greece by J.B. Bury

History by Herodotus

History of the Peloponessian War by Thucydides

Lives of Illustrious Men by Plutarch

History of Ancient Greek Literature by Gilbert Murray

The Iliad by Homer

The Odyssey by Homer

Prometheus Bound by Aeschylus

The Dramas of Sophocles, Everyman Library Edition

The Plays of Euripides

- Alcestis, Electra, Iphigenia of Taurus, Medea, The Trojan Women, Hippolyte and The Bachae

The Lives of the Philosophers by Diogenes Laertius

The Dialogues of Plato

Nichomachean Ethics by Aristotle

Politics by Aristotle

On the Nature of Things by Lucretius

The Aeneid by Virgil

The Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire by Edward Gibbon

The Rubaiyat by Omar Khayyam

Heloise and Abelard by George Moore

The Divine Comedy by Dante

History of English Literature by Hippolyte Taine

The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer

Mont Saint Michel and Chartres by Henry Adams

The History of Music by Cecil Gray

The Renaissance in Italy by John A. Symond

Autobiography of Benvenuto Cellini

Lives of the Most Eminent Painters, Sculptors and Architects by Giorgio Vasari

A History of Modern Philosophy by Harald Høffding

The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli

The Age of Reformation by Preserved Smith

A Literary History of France by Emile Faguet

Gargantua and Pantagruel by Rabelais

Essays of Michel de Montaigne

Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes

Shakespeare's Plays

Reflections by Francois de la Rouchefoucauld

The Plays of Moliere

Essays of Francis Bacon

Paradise Lost by John Milton

Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes

Ethics and On the Improvement of Understanding by Baruch Spinoza

Portraits of the Eighteenth Century by Charles Augustin Sainte-Beuve

Voltaire

Confessions by Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Origins of Contemporary France by Hippolyte Taine

The French Revolution by Thomas Carlyle

The Life of Samuel Johnson by James Boswell

Tom Jones by Henry Fielding

Tristram Shandy by Laurence Sterne

Gullivers Travels by Jonathan Swift

A Treatise Concerning Human Understanding by David Hume

Vindication on the Rights of Women by Mary Wollstonecraft

The Wealth of Nations by Adam Smith

Napoleon by Emil Ludwig

Main Currents of Nineteenth Century Literature by Georg Brande

Faust by Johann Goethe

Conversations with Goethe by John Peter Eckermann

Poems by Heinrich Heine

Poems by John Keats

Complete Poems by Percy Bysshe Shelley

Poems by Lord Byron

Pere Goirot by Honore de Balzac

Salammbo and Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert

Les Miserables by Victor Hugo

Penguin Island by Anatole France

Poems by Alfred Lord Tennyson

The Pickwick Papers by Charles Dickens

Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray 

Fathers and Sons by Ivan Turgenev

The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky

War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy

Peer Gynt by Henrik Ibsen

The Descent of Man by Charles Darwin

History of Civilization in England by Henry Thomas Buckle

Works by Arthur Schopenhauer

Thus Spake Zarathustra by Frederick Nietzsche

Rise of the American Civilization by Charles and Mary Beard

Poems and Stories by Edgar Allan Poe

Essays by Ralph Waldo Emerson

Walden by Henry David Thoreau

Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman

Letters and Speeches by Abraham Lincoln

Jean Christophe by Romain Rolland

Studies in the Psychology of Sex by Havelock Ellis

The Education of Henry Adams by Henry Adams

Creative Evolution by Henri Bergson

The Decline of the West by Oswald Spengler

do you like apples?

another day under the overhang. mine always lasts five days or so, but i've come to expect it, instead of analyze. i prefer the inconsideration of telling me what you're feeling instead of what you're thinking. and you do both so well. i'm just sharing my preference. it's worth the workweek, i suppose. or it can be. maybe that says something about you, maybe it says something about me.

don't leave out a single thing. maybe i shouldn't either. send it off, on wings, like a passenger pigeon, a note to open, uncurl, an anecdote to ease that feeling every time i try to smile at the mirror.

memories, like months, are overrated but probably necessary. it might be years, and i could still write you love songs, still remember the color of the clothes you wore, the corners of your mouth.

this shouldn't sound as bad as i'm sure it does. lifeless results lead to an excuse to never try again. and it's nothing if it's not lifeless. i can't draw you through the color of these windowpanes. i draw the blinds, i turn off the lights. i spend each night staring up at the ground, looking for the reasons i expend equal amounts of effort in trying and lying. how could that be true?

if you miss it, can't that be enough? and what words do you speak when your phobias are the only conversation left? i will sit here, and patiently tap out something to rationalize my inability to actualize. so it's no surprise when you say your head is throbbing or how tired you are.

and loneliness turns into that desperate thing with teeth, with smoke in my eyes, and i don't want to think about that now.

it's exactly what i think it is. they're all gone, it took a long time. you're the only one who'd want to be my valentine. i didn't want that to drive you crazy. i never meant to drag you down, so if i'm dragging you down now i could just wait in the lost and found, if you promise me that you'll be perfect. and i'll promise to come around sometimes. all smiles, saying hello.

shake my hand and take six steps back, have a seat. light another cigarette and have a drink for no regrets, nothing sad, nothing feeling down. we'll wear our halos and look like coffee table decorations.

some lowlit photograph of all the people i can only ever do wrong.