Saturday, March 24, 2012

the after afternoon

so much on my mind today, and no words of my own for it. not yet. but there is music for it. thank god, there is always music.


1.
said i came close as anyone's come
to live underwater for more than a month
said it was night inside my heart, it was
you said it should tear a kid apart, it does.
i had a hole in the middle
where the lightning went through
i told my friends not to worry.
i had a hole in the middle
so much sideshow to do
i told my friends not to worry.
didn't want to be your ghost
didn't want to be anyone's ghost.


2.
well i bit on my lip and i kicked at my toes
no, i don't need your lecture because your lecture won't show
that you told me so i told you so
but i would have managed, i would have been fine
i'd do it myself and i'd just do it my way,
i'm a big man for thinking just so.
in all the reasons to come, well they override my body and,
i point to the sun, 'cause where it's warm
is where the wilderness grows
and it grows and it grows till it all becomes nothing
and nothing is left as you know

3.
that secret that you know
but don't know how to tell
it fucks with your honor
and it teases your head
but you know that it's good girl
'cause it's running you with red
and i said i know it well

4.
took a friend i found
crossed some blood red river
never did find my way home
in time to forgive her.
why must people always fall for what they can't have?
why must people always grab what they'd never grasp?
how did we get so far?
took a raft i found
crossed some blood red river.
never did find my way home
in time for my dinner
why must people always fall for what they never have?
why is it a crime to miss a part of you that's dead?
i lost a friend i found
down in some blood red river.
never did find my way home
in time to forget her.
why must people always want what they can't have?
why must people always take, but forget to ask?
was it only a dream away?

5.
lying under a broken bridge
a heart, a mouth with nothing to give.
you came, you say, you draw
out the evening. out the evening.
thieves steal the mood you're in
you were just out wandering.
the last soul of glass from your past is back.
bury this.
your blood thins at this war within.
by the soft night, while the lights were dim
you lost the long goodbye.
but you tried, but did you try?
bury this.

6.
sleep well tonight
tomorrow we'll fight
sleep while you can
rest while you still can
sleep well tonight
i don't think i can
i'm slumbering to music
my limbs cease to hurt
it was such a night
comforting to me
got carried away
dear john
dear john
dear john

7.
well i'd like to think i'm the mess you'd wear with pride
like some empty dress on the bed you've laid out for tonight
maybe i'll tell you sometime.
time, sometime. and you were right
right
you were right
outside
by the doorstep
in a worn-out suit and tie
i'll wait for you to come down
where you found me
where we'll shine.
outside.

8.
in a dark room we fight
make up for our love
i've been thinking, thinking about you, 'bout us.
am i moving slow? our hearts beat so fast
i've been dreaming, dreaming about you, 'bout us.
my head is a jungle, jungle.
i was speaking soft, i see the pain in your eyes
i've been feeling, feeling for you my love
my head is a jungle, jungle.
my love is wasted, sorry for this i never meant to be
hurting ourselves, hurting ourselves
and i'm complicated, you won't get me out of trouble
understanding myself, understanding myself.
my head is a jungle, jungle.

9.
i took my love, i took it down.
climbed a mountain and i turned around.
and i saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
till the landslide brought it down.
i've been afraid of changing
'cause i've built my life around you.
but time makes you bolder,
children get older,
i'm getting older too.
oh, take my love, take it down.
climb a mountain and turn around.
and if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills,
well, the landslide will bring it down.

10.
i wanna ask you all that you have felt
you just say you prefer the night.
i am listening to the radio,
driving circles in my car.
they keep playing songs that i don't know
and i keep wondering where you are.
and now i'm feeling sad,
and my eyes bleed the weather, like snow.
and now i'm wondering, could i have loved you better?
i don't know.

11.
oh my god, we are done
so come take my daughter,
and come take my son.
see, we never followed.
i've been through your garden,
and i've been to your grave.
i wonder if my heart will be hungry.
i wonder when my body does decay
i somehow imagined i'd walk this earth
no forever, forever.

12.
sorrow found me when i was young
sorrow waited, sorrow won.
sorrow they put me on the pill.
it's in my honey, it's in my milk.
don't leave my half-burnt heart alone on the water,
cover me in rag and bone sympathy
'cos i don't wanna get over you.
i don't wanna get over you.

13.
you gave me more
and how you adored.
there's so much you say that i'm right.
'cos you're still giving in,
and i'll only say
that i'd keep you for short.
i'm out of time,
or can't disregard
how you've healed these wounds and these scars.
but if i could see straight from this chair:
an empty room and uneven stairs,
and when i retire for my solitude
i know you'd loved me
as i have loved you.

14.
i don't know what i've done
or if i like what i've begun.
but something told me to run
and honey, you know me, it's all or none.
there were sounds in my head,
a little voice was whispering
that i should go, and this should end,
and i found myself listening.
see, i thought love was black and white
that it was wrong or it was right,
but you ain't leaving without a fight
and i think i am just as torn inside.
and i won't be far from where you are,
if ever you should call.
you meant more to me than anyone i ever loved at all,
but you taught me how to trust myself,
and so i say to you, this is what i have to do.
'cos i don't know who i am without you,
all i know is that i should.
and i don't know if i could stand another hand upon you,
all i know is that i should,
'cos she will love you more than i could,
she who dares to stand where i stood.

15.
you're right in the park and you're peeking,
piss pools in your seat.
she's standing inside but you surely repeat
oh god, don't leave me here.
i will freeze till the end.
love is love's reprieve.
winter is come and you're stuck here
oh and so is she
now when the wind blows you cover your teeth,
i told you to shed away and trade in your blues.
love is love's sad news.
that was wisconsin, that was yesterday
now i have nothing that i can keep
'cause every place i go i take another place with me
love is love's mystique.
you're up on the bar and you're shaking
with every grimy word.
who will love
what's love when you're hurt?
you wonder as you see the snow kiss the curb.
love is love's return.
that was wisconsin, that was yesterday.
now i have nothing that i can keep.
'cause every place i go i take another place with me.
love is love's critique.



Mixtape #4
1. Anyone's Ghost by The National
2. Big Man by Boy & Bear
3. Blood Bank by Bon Iver
4. Blood Red River by Beth Orton
5. Bury This by Amy Millan
6. Dear John by Loney, Dear
7. I Go to the Barn Because I Like the by Band of Horses
8. Jungle by Emma Louise
9. Landslide (Fleetwood Mac cover) by Lior
10. Like Snow by Tinpan Orange
11. Lordy May by Boy & Bear
12. Sorrow by The National
13. Uneven Stairs by Leah Flanagan
14. Where I Stood by Missy Higgins
15. Wisconsin by Bon Iver

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