day ran away
on no legs &
cement block feet

home at last
but my head's still
down your street

skip skip skip
repeat type
type type delete

elaborate dis-
traction
easy redirected
attentions & all

those little ways
a long gaze
can be averted or
avoided

quick scan from
head to toe &
quicker flick to
another show

stares drill into
a cold shoulder

& it's not wrong
to want a him
who just wants
to hold her

tight or down
against a wall
a long night
or a short
crawl toward
understanding
or morning
or acceptance
or reciprocation
or
or
or

Top Tracks of 2015

Finally got my Spotify-generated list of the tracks I listened to the most in 2015, in descending order of most-listened to. These are the top 50:

1. Pedestrian at Best by Courtney Barnett
2. Alone with the Owl by Jason Molina
3. Alone with the Owl (cover) by Sarah Jaffe
4. Rich by Cosmo Sheldrake
5. Weight of the World by Birds of Tokyo
6. Feel the Lightning by Dan Deacon
7. Pripyat (Part 2) by Seth Sentry
8. Big Shot by Pearls
9. But I’ll Try by Ainslie Wills
10. Borderline by Tove Stryke
11. Anchor by Birds of Tokyo
12. Living Proof by Infantree
13. To Be Born by Sayde Price
14. Pontoon by Emma Louise
15. Ship to Wreck by Florence + The Machine
16. Illuminate by The Kite String Tangle and Dustin Tebbutt
17. Hold Me Down by Halsey
18. Jungle by Emma Louise
19. Wolves are Waiting by Dustin Tebbutt
20. Stay (feat. Hayden Calnin) by Tully on Tully
21. Braces by Emma Louise
22. In Love With A View by Mojave 3
23. Everything Should Try Again by Jason Molina
24. Lodi by Creedence Clearwater Revival
25. Just to Feel Wanted by Tuka
26. Mirrors by Emma Louise
27. Line of Fire by Junip
28. Bones by Dustin Tebbutt
29. Night Song by Emma Louise
30. Policeman Getting Lost by The Clientele
31. Deception Bay by Boo Seeka
32. Satellite by Ainslie Wills
33. Hold On Magnolia (cover) by Communist Daughter
34. Atlas Eyes by Emma Louise
35. Cosby Sweater by Hilltop Hoods
36. The Great Unknown by Banff
37. The Creators by Sahara Beck
38. Mountains by Quickbeam
39. Alaska by Animaux
40. Home by Dustin Tebbutt
41. Dreamt for Light Years in the Belly of a Mountain by Sparklehorse
42. Love Me Like a River Does by Melody Gardot
43. 17 Hours by Emma Louise
44. Adolescence by The Murlocs
45. Boy by Emma Louise
46. Stand in Line by Banff
47. Brainwash by Cillie Barnes
48. Maybe by Carmada
49. Cages by Emma Louise
50. Silk (feat. Thelma Plum) by Dustin Tebbutt

And here’s the playlist:

mini mixtape xxxix - cumulonimbus

lightning has not
happened for a
while i can't keep
aching since

when does it have
to be so hard she's
everything you need
when you are feeling
down this has got to

stop this game i
know that i can't
change your mind
but i'll try sparkling

stars may as well
be dancing & my
dreams of you are
shattered under-
neath the light
of the same moon

cold when morning
comes to take
you & the time we
had is over it's
got to stop i know


floating around
in deception bay
hold me down
as i get closer i'll
just drift away
further now

too many winning
here to pass loss
to my fear 'cause
everything i'm
hearing sounds too
good to be true

another one is
approaching near
words i want are
getting clear i'll
stand aside &

probably let this
one through


what would you
do if it all came
back to you each
crest of each
wave bright as
lightning what
would you say if

you had to leave
today leave
everything behind
even though the
words are shining

you realize it's
just a whim & you
notice it matters
who & what you
let under your skin

would you hold
everything back all
emotions & desires
convince
yourself there is
someone else
& hold back from
the world your lack
of confidence

what you choose
to believe takes
you as you fall

days look back
through your dark
corners step back
from the
line of fire


want to be the
voice to your
favorite song if i
can give you all
my love would you
still ask for more

would you let
me go my
own way let
me know if i'm
too far away

would you still
dance with me
if you could get
my heart for free


hadn't spoken in
days i was smoking in
silence here we
go for another
round the light it
remained

in the sky the
lightning barely
went by we would
talk of being ready
the promise of barely

remains & i wager
you'll come back
around an idea
more than just
to be found in an
age where we're
all coming down


can you feel the
lightning covering
your skin its
a nightmare 'cause
you're on fire

i'm having
visions infinite
visions the same
ones as you i try
not to worry but i
always worry till
all i can do
is wish we could

change it to
before we
changed it &
oceans have all
been dried up
& left they became
the skies & then
they all wept


you tell yourself
you'd walk away
if things went bad
if things change

but i know you
you can't see straight
i'm gonna hold
you in the middle
of the night


as the weeks
fade away i
still believe what
your eyes say i
still see you

illuminate as i
drop my guard
didn't think i'd
ever know where
your body ends time

slows for the last
breath while
everything
is shattering
start telling me
you'll meet me
there i won't make it
keep you too long

through the long
shadow we can't
see the road so
stop fearing you

won't be the one
can you just
let us grow you
won't let us grow


songs:
but i'll try by ainslie wills
deception bay by boo seeka
line of fire by junip
my own way by kita alexander
coming down by buchanan
feel the lightning by dan deacon
middle of the night by vinyl thief
illuminate by the kite string tangle & dustin tebbutt

timed morning improv

i have 15 minutes
to find a poem in

slept 1 hour last
night to keep nightmares
away, a week
they've haunted
me & my head now
my bed's comfort
suddenly discomfitting

here i am, awake
wading into 8 hours
of a work day

in my hour
of sleep i dreamt
i worked in
my own little office
no cubicle no more
& i got calls from
actual wankers
not figurative ones

i had a short gold
blonde undercut gold
fingernails gold
eyeliner &
no top on but i
tried to find one

i have 5 minutes
to finish this poem

i don't know what
any of this means if
it actually means
things & isn't just
a collage of cut images

my hair is getting
too long now, turning
silver instead of gold
i have grey fingernails
black eyeliner &

i am still afraid
of the dark.