pushed against
this word wall
in a slow
show dance
around tell
nots & knots
in tiny
spirals brick
by brick
to a long void
& low hum
poetry
a bird of prey
shrieked
sunk talons
through my shoulders
& flung me at
a halo moon
full of holes
& the hot
spread of my
own blood
too many
people say
all the same
things with
all the same
words
i want you
in these lines
not what you
think i want
in these lines
don't tell me
the heart
is heavy
tell me what
sound an
iron heart
away
from a
magnet
presence
makes when it
meets the ground
start putting
wrong words
together
instead
grey hours &
long breaths
find me regret
in being too much
of a thing
to hold onto
it's silent
& time dilates
as my last
words
edgeskirt
spaces where
it still won't
speak anything
beside that
blind stare
infinite hopes
scream
underneath
paper skin
crisp edges
of september
outline all my
pencil
possibilities
eyes
look like
they'd
look good
on me
they're knots
in all my
little nerve
endings
& bite marks
inside my
bottom lip
a diffusion
of self
across
every tiny
universe
each a tiny
stone, a
peace
pulled
from all
these places
where i lie
each a
little grey
good
bye
forever
echoing
low rumbles
of laughter
cups filled
with the taste
of my name
on other
tongues
just ash
& aches
of stars
between
sheets
listen long
enough
to miss it
entirely
only ever
effervescent
light in
periphery
last notes
hung on
silence
a timbre
i tell to
myself
roll me
thunder
between
fingers
all our
little ions
charge,
part, arc
electric
bare
against
black sky
a cloudburied
moon
pulls ripe
out to my edges
misseds
& mists
dark blurred
lines
slip sweet
to the end
of all my
sentences
lure me
with long casts
reel me in
by a gasp
hooked
in the back
of my throat
build me
in slow
curves
extend
me in
neverstraight
lines
pulse
on my lips
tremble
in fingertips
bury
bones
in me
don't let me
touch these keys
before 9
anymore
i'm serious
take this phone
hold back my
hands, cold
stab a bitch
something
oh help me
untangle
all the
explosions
beneath
those eyelids
study me
for what
doesn't waver
with devilish
glints over
sweet lips
holding
a sly grin
an eyebrow
to arch
my back
until i
climb out
of sleep
open an
eye &
decide to
fall back
into the abyss
where i am
a bedsheet
at 2 a.m.
when chill
& instinct
pull me
tight around
in sleep
with a slow-
turned shiver
today
i need
my empath
frequencies
set to white
noise & not
this hd
radio
bullshit
read me
in corners
where
you think i
can't see
& i feel all
my scars
start to burn
could i
beg to
be shown
devils in the dark
because i want
fire & horns
to hold onto
it's one
of those
mournings
where i woke
up a hundred
years older
tired of
constriction
& just
want to be
pulled
back
because
otherwise
i'll forever
slither
away
vaguery
stripped
seconds
bold &
underline
me
hands trace
void calls
i could've
left those
fingertips
unanswered
look but
don't touch
for the
longest
time just
to let me
stay
unreal
when i
needed to
Monday, September 28, 2015
looking glass
tired
of tech
nology
trying
to move
my life
further
&
further
out/away
of/from
my body
we are
already
ghosts
in machines
empty eyes
spark nothing
reflect
artificial light
fingertips
in prolonged
death rattles
across all
these keys
relentlessly
throwing
ourselves
at the void
of tech
nology
trying
to move
my life
further
&
further
out/away
of/from
my body
we are
already
ghosts
in machines
empty eyes
spark nothing
reflect
artificial light
fingertips
in prolonged
death rattles
across all
these keys
relentlessly
throwing
ourselves
at the void
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
mixtape xxxvii - a little list of runaways
the runner doesn't speak
he won't speak to me
pack a bag and fly across the seas
and don't feel a thing
do you know what it's like to be sober?
-
i won't go back home
i won't know my way
town to town i go
a new one every day
i'm looking for alaska
-
gods of iron clashing
wind in battle through the night
tears will fall and
strength is needed to overcome
this old house is full
of leaks and mold on the walls
dragons of the mind
are lurking in the shadows
torrents wash away everything
raindrops flowing all around
queen takes king
the pawns are falling on the ground
-
oh so cool you seem
blending with that scene
wearing what you think is hard
i can see you struggling
boy don't hurt your brain
thinking what you're gonna say
'cause everything's a game
always try to calculate
-
my eyes blew out i could finally see
warm magical tropical oceans
organs of people circle the sea
i fell back to perpetual motion
i opened my skull you were looking at me
we all howled a chord and extended the three
freddy was there and remixed it after
-
maybe there is still time
oh i don't know anymore
and i see the wonderous things
in what you could have been
you kept on hanging around
showing me the rough side of town
i said once, i said twice
but not again
-
pour your words out
come on, i'm not coming back
draw the curtains
come on, that old sun is back
my hometown has cursed me
lately
i'm not coming back
cause the last thing that i noticed
as that old train came around
was a city burning golden
as the sun came shining down
and i said they'd still be in my mind
as i screamed goodbye
farewell to my old town
-
a pair of lovers in the kitchen
it's a story to tell
they are wishing
they are waiting
for something, well
a pair of lovers in the night
you're a lover and a fighter
that's okay with me
don't need no money to have a good time
there's only one thing i need
-
taking steps toward your door
i hasn't let myself before
hear your name called
she screams your name out
as you take her to the floor
think she likes it?
and you found it
and you drowned it
and you washed it clean
feed me words while you had her
between the sheets
bet she likes that
-
all my life i've been waiting
caught up in nothing at all
i fear not what i have never done before
but what i've been until now
hear the sound of bright light
bask in the silence of dark
endless voices erupt inside my head
a flurry of fears and doubt
mind is poison
knowledge helps the pain
but sense can't help me out
-
we were young souls
on the junkyard
now we are stunned minds
full of junk goods
but i feel your heartbeat
just like mine
i feel your heart beat
all the time
and we were bound to the citylife
flashlights
when we were falling into the night
-
for some this is all a game
don't take me just a fool
from the sidelines to the front wide
i'll be saving up for them new shoes
all the while i'll be wishing it's alright
'cause my main man on the right
plays it cool
-
i feel the darkness setting in
and my memory wears thin
i know it's happened times before
and i'm preparing for a fall
i've started breaking ties i've made
expecting blankness on this grave
a dozen times i've felt this breeze
but now i feel it in my sleep
so much more behind my words
i miss myself so much it hurts
feel the same
be this way
-
couldn't find you honesty
all the blisters you were holding alone
couldn't find you honesty
were you water
were you breaking
my frozen bones
my broken mind
it pulls this frozen weight on us
now i've spoken what it meant to be
in your doorway
standing taller than those long shadows
couldn't find you honesty
were you water
were you breaking my frozen bones
-
he won't speak to me
pack a bag and fly across the seas
and don't feel a thing
do you know what it's like to be sober?
-
i won't go back home
i won't know my way
town to town i go
a new one every day
i'm looking for alaska
-
gods of iron clashing
wind in battle through the night
tears will fall and
strength is needed to overcome
this old house is full
of leaks and mold on the walls
dragons of the mind
are lurking in the shadows
torrents wash away everything
raindrops flowing all around
queen takes king
the pawns are falling on the ground
-
oh so cool you seem
blending with that scene
wearing what you think is hard
i can see you struggling
boy don't hurt your brain
thinking what you're gonna say
'cause everything's a game
always try to calculate
-
my eyes blew out i could finally see
warm magical tropical oceans
organs of people circle the sea
i fell back to perpetual motion
i opened my skull you were looking at me
we all howled a chord and extended the three
freddy was there and remixed it after
-
maybe there is still time
oh i don't know anymore
and i see the wonderous things
in what you could have been
you kept on hanging around
showing me the rough side of town
i said once, i said twice
but not again
-
pour your words out
come on, i'm not coming back
draw the curtains
come on, that old sun is back
my hometown has cursed me
lately
i'm not coming back
cause the last thing that i noticed
as that old train came around
was a city burning golden
as the sun came shining down
and i said they'd still be in my mind
as i screamed goodbye
farewell to my old town
-
a pair of lovers in the kitchen
it's a story to tell
they are wishing
they are waiting
for something, well
a pair of lovers in the night
you're a lover and a fighter
that's okay with me
don't need no money to have a good time
there's only one thing i need
-
taking steps toward your door
i hasn't let myself before
hear your name called
she screams your name out
as you take her to the floor
think she likes it?
and you found it
and you drowned it
and you washed it clean
feed me words while you had her
between the sheets
bet she likes that
-
all my life i've been waiting
caught up in nothing at all
i fear not what i have never done before
but what i've been until now
hear the sound of bright light
bask in the silence of dark
endless voices erupt inside my head
a flurry of fears and doubt
mind is poison
knowledge helps the pain
but sense can't help me out
-
we were young souls
on the junkyard
now we are stunned minds
full of junk goods
but i feel your heartbeat
just like mine
i feel your heart beat
all the time
and we were bound to the citylife
flashlights
when we were falling into the night
-
for some this is all a game
don't take me just a fool
from the sidelines to the front wide
i'll be saving up for them new shoes
all the while i'll be wishing it's alright
'cause my main man on the right
plays it cool
-
i feel the darkness setting in
and my memory wears thin
i know it's happened times before
and i'm preparing for a fall
i've started breaking ties i've made
expecting blankness on this grave
a dozen times i've felt this breeze
but now i feel it in my sleep
so much more behind my words
i miss myself so much it hurts
feel the same
be this way
-
couldn't find you honesty
all the blisters you were holding alone
couldn't find you honesty
were you water
were you breaking
my frozen bones
my broken mind
it pulls this frozen weight on us
now i've spoken what it meant to be
in your doorway
standing taller than those long shadows
couldn't find you honesty
were you water
were you breaking my frozen bones
-
tracklisting:
the runner by airling
1055 by and the giraffe
alaska by animaux
torrent by asgeir
brain by banks
tropical oceans by dd dumbo
rough side of town by eleanor dunlop
i'm not coming back by husky
a pair of lovers by the jungle giants
hide by little may
help me out by lucianblomkamp
flashed junk mind by milky chance
gold snafu by sticky fingers
stay by tully on tully
bones by dustin tebbutt
Saturday, March 28, 2015
you don’t forgive the silence for not speaking up
no matter how hard we’re trying it’s not hard enough
your eyes before the lightning to meet it by yourself
you’ve been tired and a little sick
you’ve been trying to work with it
you drew your grave on every single map
you don’t plan on staying long
you plan on burning it
no matter how wrong it went
you don’t have much more room to forget
you don’t have much more room to forget
you don’t forgive even the lightning
for leaving you
but everything should try again
even you
you followed the train through every prairie dawn
said "i’d like to see ohio one more time before it’s gone"
you had your hands up high in a prayer to crush your heart
and every single heart
was that eight point star
ever been tired
ever been a little sick
ever tried working through it
everything should try again - jason molina
no matter how hard we’re trying it’s not hard enough
your eyes before the lightning to meet it by yourself
you’ve been tired and a little sick
you’ve been trying to work with it
you drew your grave on every single map
you don’t plan on staying long
you plan on burning it
no matter how wrong it went
you don’t have much more room to forget
you don’t have much more room to forget
you don’t forgive even the lightning
for leaving you
but everything should try again
even you
you followed the train through every prairie dawn
said "i’d like to see ohio one more time before it’s gone"
you had your hands up high in a prayer to crush your heart
and every single heart
was that eight point star
ever been tired
ever been a little sick
ever tried working through it
everything should try again - jason molina
anneli rufus:
“We are the ones who know how to entertain ourselves. How to learn without taking a class. How to contemplate and how to create. Loners, by virtue of being loners, in celebrating the state of standing alone, have an innate advantage when it comes to being brave—like pioneers, like mountain men, iconoclasts, rebels, and sole survivors. Loners have an advantage when faced with the unknown, the never-done-before, and the unprecedented. An advantage when it comes to being mindful like the Buddhists, spontaneous like the Taoists, crucibles of concentrated prayer like the desert saints, esoteric like the cabalists. Loners, by virtue of being loners, have at their fingertips the undiscovered, the unique, the rarified. Innate advantages when it comes to imagination, concentration, inner discipline. A knack for invention, originality, for finding resources in what others would call vacuums. A knack for visions.”
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